


Never be Shamed of Facing Your Soul with Honesty

by Zizishipsgallavich



Category: shameless(US)
Genre: Gallavich, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 18:36:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3620115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zizishipsgallavich/pseuds/Zizishipsgallavich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian felt shameful and desperate after hearing his family listting every “crazy” thing he’s done in the past year,he completely lost faith in keeping on living and fighting with his life and even considered suicide,until Monica came to visit him,they had a conversation……</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never be Shamed of Facing Your Soul with Honesty

Never be Shame of Facing Your Soul with Honesty

Ian felt shameful and desperate after hearing his family listting every “crazy” thing he’s done in the past year,he completely lost faith in keeping on living and fighting with his life and even considered suicide,until Monica came to visit him,they had a conversation……

 

“Gallagher!You’ve got a visitor.”A uniformed guard entered the guardhouse,holding a rifle and wearing a poker-face.

Ian stood up,his hands are handcuffed.

“Follow me.”The guard said.

He was taken to the visiting room.He could see there was a woman sitting behind the glass.The woman was in her 50s,blonde and slim.He tried to make himself smile but it was too difficult for him at that moment.

He was led to sit besides the glass,face to face with the woman.The soldier unlocked the handcuff on his hands.”You have an hour from now on,and your behavior will be under supervision.”The guard said.

Monica knocked at the glass with her fingers slightly to reminded Ian to pick up the phone.

“Oh Ian,my poor baby,I’m so sorry that you have to suffer so much,mommy miss you so much!”

“Really? I was scared 、jobless and homeless,I had nowhere to go so I reached out to you ,but how did you treat me?One day I woke up in the shabby、abandoned building and found that you ran off with that fatass chick named Ruby or whatever…”

“No,baby listen!I’m sorry,I’m sorry!But you have to know that you are always my favorite kid and the only thing I wish I can do is to give you everything……”Monica’s eyes wet and her voices choked with emotion.

“Fuck,forget it.”Ian looked away for a second,escaping Monica’s feelingful gazing.”Anyway,I’m happy that you came,I need someone to talk to.”

“Yes,yes baby,I’m so happy to be the one that can always be by your side.”Monica said excitedly.

“Doubt that……I want to see you only because there isn’t a second choice.”Ian said with a bitter smile.

“Why did you say so,honey?Did someone broke your heart ?Who was that?Fiona?Lip?Or——“

“No…no…they are nice,they were just trying to help,although some of their words were harsh,but……”Ian could not say a single word anymore.

“Oh dear babe,what did they say?Just tell me?What harsh words did they throw onto my baby?"Monica asked.

"Nothing...actually...they...they were just telling the truth,like...like I has been acting abnormally since I went back from AWOL,sometimes I can't even take care of myself,which makes me a real burden and big trouble to them all..."

"Oh baby,how could they say that!You are not abnormal and you has never been a burden or trouble to anyone!"Monica seemed a little angry.

"Jesus,of course I am...refused to get out of bed for weeks,almost smashed Debbie's head with a baseball bat,stole a baby,flushed all the pills for the bipolar shit......of course I am totally crazy,of course I am a freak...everybody thinks so,Fiona,Lip,Debbie...even...even Mickey...they are probably right,isn't it?"

"Wait,you just mentioned Mickey?Which Mickey?Mickey Milkovich ?I thought you two have broken up since he married that Russian whore?"

" Yeah...well,it's complicated,but it doesn't matter anymore,we're done."

"Oh honey......Come on,you'll get through with it,I'm sure you will be able to put him down and meet another hot guy soon!You are still so young,so handsome......"

"Stop it,mom.Don't blame him,it's my decision,I even haven't told him yet.I made this decision because I'm totally screwed,my life is going to end soon."Ian said calmly,as if he was only talking about the weather.

"No,my boy,your life has just began,you are a wonderful kid only made some little mistakes,the army can't sentence you death penalty!"

"No,of course they can't,it is said that the sentence could be five years in prison...Shit.....I'd rather they kill me right after the trial.I'm done with all the shits happened in my life,so isn’t ending your life earlier a good choice?And I’m sure this will do both my family and friends a favor.No Ian Gallagher,no troubles.”Ian forced a smile to Monica.

“Baby,it’s not like that,you can’t do this to me or to Fiona and your other siblings!We can’t handle the pain of losing you,we can’t lose you,honey,we can’t!”Monica sobbed heavily.

“Oh yeah?Then why do you think you can cut your wrist on Thanksgiving Day?”

“Honey,please don’t……”

Ian shrugged,”Our time is running out,mom,so could you please just listen to what I’m gonna say okay?”

Monica bited her mouth,didn’t know how to answer,so Ian went on,”I take that as a yes.Mom,I was here because the skanky bastard called Sammi turned me in,oh jeez I wish I had a chance to burn that bitch’s ugly hair.But to be honest,I fucking deserve being locked in this shithole,what I've done are felonies according to relevant laws,so,who to blame?The worst thing is,I have no confidence in getting through hell this time.No offense,but look at you,you are a typical troublemaker,you always fuck things up,no wonder no one can put up with having a relationship with you over a year.Sorry for judging you like that,but that's the truth.You are the last kind of person I want to become,but thanks to the awesome genes,everyone says that I'm totally you now.And look who you have at you back now?No one,cause you are doomed to disappoint everyone who cares about you.Now,I've become you,but the difference is,I'm sure there's one person will always have my back,that is Mickey,and I,I am doomed to let him down.God,Mickey deserves better than this.Before I started to fuck him,he's a piece of trash in every southside people's eyes,but at least he was happy,he was himself,but now,he made every change for me and even acquaintances came to find the new him.But he lost one thing during this transition——himself.He became Ian Gallagher's Mickey,who takes care of Ian,who protects Ian,who worries about Ian,who gives his whole heart to Ian and leaves nothing to himself,the only circle of his universe is me,all of these changes make me feel awful.He never realized that he is too good for me,he is too good to exist in my life,fuck..."Ian wiped his eyes.

"Honey,does that mean he's in love with you?"Monica asked.

Ian frowned,closed his eyes bitterly for a moment and then opened them up,he nodded slightly and slowly."But I wish he doesn't..."

"Why,cause you don't love him?"Monica asked.

Ian failed to answer the question directly,"I don't deserve him,he would live a better life without me.I'm his obstacles on his road to happiness."

"But do you love him?"

"I......I have no right to love anybody."

"Baby,it's okay,never be shamed of facing your soul with honesty,there's no shame in love."Monica said gently.For the first time in his life,he found his mother beautiful and possessing of wisdom.

"I love him,I love him more than I love anyone else."These words just jumped out of Ian's mouth from his chest."But......"

"No honey,there's no but to that answer.You love him,that's the answer."

"But I am sinful!"Ian insisted on finishing the rest of the sentence.

"No,baby,you are sinful only in the militant's aspect,but referring to love,there's no sinner in it."

Ian shook his head with speculation,so Monica went on,"Baby,life is not a court,life is a contest.Shits happened around us are not for judging who's guilty and who isn't,they are for people to survive and win.I'm a badass,an awful mother,but I still have something to be proud of,trust me."

"You?To be proud of?What is that?"

"No matter what,I survived from this contest.I'm not a winner,but I'm a survivor,and I'm sure you will survive just like I did,and you can do better than me."Monica was smiling,this is a heartfelt smile.

"You mean you are still suffering."Ian said without emotion.

"Maybe I am ,but you are not ,baby.You have your hope,you have your aim,you just admitted that you love Mickey,so tell me,don't you want to fight for a better future that only belongs to you and him?"

"Since I've already admitted something,it's hard to become a liar again....if I tell you I don't want to,that's a lie."

"That's why you are not going to end your life,baby."

"Can I win the contest?"Ian asked.

"It's up to you,honey."

"I wanna win.For Mickey,I wanna win."


End file.
